Gatchamania.net
Register Memberlist Staff Search FAQ Arcade Calendar Gallery Filebase Forums Home  

Gatchamania.net »[Speak Up!] »Rant! » Another Terry Jones rant
Print Page | Recommend to Friend | Add Thread to Favorites
Post New Thread Post Reply
Go to the bottom of this page Another Terry Jones rant
Author
Post « Previous Thread | Next Thread »
meridianday meridianday is a Female
Galaxy Girl
  

avatar


I am a Devilstar.

0 fics uploaded

Registration Date: 27-06-2001
Posts: 1640

spacer
Another Terry Jones rant Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post Report Post to a Moderator        IP Information Go to the top of this page

This won't hurt much

Terry Jones
Wednesday June 16, 2004
The Guardian


For some time now, I've been trying to find out where my son goes after choir practice. He simply refuses to tell me. He says it's no business of mine where he goes after choir practice and it's a free country.
Now it may be a free country, but if people start going just anywhere they like after choir practice, goodness knows whether we'll have a country left to be free. I mean, he might be going to anarchist meetings or Islamic study groups. How do I know?

The thing is, if people don't say where they're going after choir practice, this country is at risk. So I have been applying a certain amount of pressure on my son to tell me where he's going. To begin with I simply put a bag over his head and chained him to a radiator. But did that persuade him? Does the Pope eat kosher?

My wife had the gall to suggest that I might be going a bit too far. So I put a bag over her head and chained her to the radiator. But I still couldn't persuade my son to tell me where he goes after choir practice.

I tried starving him, serving him only cold meals and shaving his facial hair off, keeping him in stress positions, not turning his light off, playing loud music outside his cell door - all the usual stuff that any concerned parent will do to find out where their child is going after choir practice. But it was all to no avail.

I hesitated to gravitate to harsher interrogation methods because, after all, he is my son. Then Donald Rumsfeld came to my rescue.

I read in the New York Times last week that a memo had been prepared for the defence secretary on March 6 2003. It laid down the strictest guidelines as to what is and what is not torture. Because, let's face it, none of us want to actually torture our children, in case the police get to hear about it.

The March 6 memo, prepared for Mr Rumsfeld explained that what may look like torture is not really torture at all. It states that: if someone "knows that severe pain will result from his actions, if causing such harm is not his objective, he lacks the requisite specific intent even though the defendant did not act in good faith".

What this means in understandable English is that if a parent, in his anxiety to know where his son goes after choir practice, does something that will cause severe pain to his son, it is only "torture" if the causing of that severe pain is his objective. If his objective is something else - such as finding out where his son goes after choir practice - then it is not torture.

Mr Rumsfeld's memo goes on: "a defendant" (by which he means a concerned parent) "is guilty of torture only if he acts with the express purpose of inflicting severe pain or suffering on a person within his control".

Couldn't be clearer. If your intention is to extract information, you cannot be accused of torture.

In fact, the report went further. It said, if a parent "has a good-faith belief [that] his actions will not result in prolonged mental harm, he lacks the mental state necessary for his actions to constitute torture". So all you've got to do to avoid accusations of child abuse is to say that you didn't think it would cause any lasting harm to the child. Easy peasy!

I currently have a lot of my son's friends locked up in the garage, and I'm applying electrical charges to their genitals and sexually humiliating them in order to get them to tell me where my son goes after choir practice.

Dick Cheney's counsel, David S Addington, says that's just fine. William J Haynes, the US defence department's general counsel, agrees it's just fine. And so does the US air force general counsel, Mary Walker.

In fact, practically everybody in the US administration seems to think it's just fine, except for the state department lawyer, William H Taft IV, who perversely claims that I might be opening the door to people applying electrical charges to my genitals and sexually humiliating me.

So I'm going to round up all the children in the neighbourhood, chain them and set dogs on them. I might accidentally kill one or two - but I won't have intended to - and perhaps I'll take some photos of my wife standing on the dead bodies, and then I'll show the photos to the other kids, and finally, perhaps, I might get to find out where my son goes after choir practice. After all, I'll only be doing what the US administration has been condoning since 9/11.

__________________

Devilstar Mallanox : "My mother was Irish and my father was an alien. I was an only child and I dress funny." Devilstar

No new posts 16-06-2004 12:09 meridianday is offline Send an Email to meridianday Homepage of meridianday Search for Posts by meridianday Add meridianday to your Buddy List
Cep Cep is a Male
Board Pirate
 

avatar


I am a Galactor.

Registration Date: 22-01-2004
Posts: 2513

spacer
Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post Report Post to a Moderator        IP Information Go to the top of this page

Not that I am into this "bash this government" rubbish that goes on I have to say its pretty funny Clap

__________________
Thanks Cep

Gatchamania.net Administrator Gatch

No new posts 16-06-2004 13:33 Cep is offline Send an Email to Cep Homepage of Cep Search for Posts by Cep Add Cep to your Buddy List Add Cep to your Contact List AIM Screenname: cepeleon
Tengu
Forum Legend
     

avatar

20 fics uploaded

Registration Date: 22-07-2001
Posts: 859

spacer
Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post Report Post to a Moderator        IP Information Go to the top of this page

Its stupid.

What I do is make them watch my botp box set stright though, twice over. I can stand it, kids can stand it, so it must be harmless for adults.

(critics say this takes too long though.)

__________________
"If you think I am a Condor, you may keep that opinion;
Though I am no Condor, my Skylines rusty enough."

No new posts 16-06-2004 15:19 Tengu is offline Send an Email to Tengu Search for Posts by Tengu Add Tengu to your Buddy List
meridianday meridianday is a Female
Galaxy Girl
  

avatar


I am a Devilstar.

0 fics uploaded

Registration Date: 27-06-2001
Posts: 1640

spacer
Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post Report Post to a Moderator        IP Information Go to the top of this page

It doesn't make for very entertaining photos either.

__________________

Devilstar Mallanox : "My mother was Irish and my father was an alien. I was an only child and I dress funny." Devilstar

No new posts 16-06-2004 17:13 meridianday is offline Send an Email to meridianday Homepage of meridianday Search for Posts by meridianday Add meridianday to your Buddy List
Members browsing this thread: none
Post New Thread Post Reply
Rate Thread: 

very bad very bad 

1

2

3

4

5
 very good very good 

Go to: