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Kitsu Kitsu is a Female
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There's not enough Xanax and Calgon in the world... Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post Report Post to a Moderator        IP Information Go to the top of this page

Seriously, there's not enough Xanax and Calgon in the world to take me far enough away at this point...

My father-in-law has been going in this downward spiral since I last wrote. It's really too much to get into right now. But I will say, he is the most unappreciative bastard I've ever encountered. He's been demanding of my hubby, runs him like a chicken with his head cut off (and he has a full time and a part time job). I went to a lot of trouble to cook him low sodium, low carb meals. Never did we hear a thank you and my food was criticized. There were some other cruel things said about me, too. At that point, I said the hell with him and decided I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

At the moment, he's been in the hospital for about 3 weeks. His heart is failing badly (he has congestive heart failure) and everything is starting to shut down, particularly his kidneys. They want to put in a heart pump, but I don't think he understands how poor his quality of life will be afterward and he'll need full time care 24/7. None of us have time for that except me and I refuse to take care of him because of how he treats me.

I don't know how things are going to go from here... At this point, I just want his suffering and ours to be over...

Sorry if I keep beating a dead horse. I'm just feeling really stressed and frustrated lately... yamuleya

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Becky Rock Becky Rock is a Female
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Hey Kitsu. Don't worry about it. That's why we're here.

I would think a heart pump would be a waste of time. This might sound cruel to some, but maybe its time for fate to take him so you can get on with your life. You don't need his cruelty.

Sending hugs and hoping things get better.

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No new posts 16-05-2019 23:54 Becky Rock is offline Send an Email to Becky Rock Search for Posts by Becky Rock Add Becky Rock to your Buddy List
Katblu42 Katblu42 is a Female
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Hug Hug

Thinking of you. Hoping things work themselves out for the best in a speedy manner so you can put that stress behind you.

There is only so much of yourself you can give to others before it takes too big a toll on you. Stay strong when making decisions concerning your FIL that will directly affect you, and trust that you have done the best you can.

Heart

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No new posts 17-05-2019 09:26 Katblu42 is offline Send an Email to Katblu42 Search for Posts by Katblu42 Add Katblu42 to your Buddy List
Kitsu Kitsu is a Female
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Thanks guys Huggles

And I think you're right, Becky, at this point a heart pump is a waste of time. I think nature should take its course at this point...

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No new posts 17-05-2019 14:19 Kitsu is offline Search for Posts by Kitsu Add Kitsu to your Buddy List
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Lots of hugs! Keep your chin up. It's hard, but you'll get through this. Smile

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Daniella T Daniella T is a Female
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Grouphug

Sending you lots of hugs Kitsu, I hope things look up soon!

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No new posts 21-05-2019 21:05 Daniella T is offline Send an Email to Daniella T Search for Posts by Daniella T Add Daniella T to your Buddy List
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My first husband's mother didn't like me at all. Her criticism was rarely overt, but it was sly and, well, let's be honest, bitchy. She didn't like the fact that my father was a public servant (same as hers) or that we didn't have fancy cars or wear designer clothes, and worst of all, not only was I Catholic, I'm not white!

When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I rolled up my sleeves and bogged in. The relationship remained cool and she still got the odd little dig and moments of sabotage in, but as she got sicker and sicker, and my husband basically abandoned her (it was all about him, apparently) she changed. One day she blinked back tears and said, "I was wrong about you. I'm so sorry." By then I was able to shrug and say, "Water under the bridge," and mean it.

By the time she passed away, we had become friends and I no longer felt any resentment toward her.

If her illness had been shorter, my mother in law might not have had time to reflect. The end of life process stripped away all her pretence and snobbery. By the time she went to the hospice we were just two women dealing with a shitty situation, more like sisters than anything else, despite the age difference.

If you feel strong enough, and you feel the time may be right, it may be worthwhile visiting at some point, even if it's just to hold your husband's hand while he goes through all the anticipatory grief. Many patients approaching the end of life want to make their peace with people they've hurt. Others don't. At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you. Everyone's situation is different and only you can make the call.

Whatever you decide, it's going to be a hard road ahead. I wish you the strength and the grace to deal with it as best you can.

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No new posts 27-05-2019 05:16 GrumpyGhostOwl is offline Send an Email to GrumpyGhostOwl Search for Posts by GrumpyGhostOwl Add GrumpyGhostOwl to your Buddy List
Kitsu Kitsu is a Female
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GGO: Your relationship with your MIL sounds a lot like mine was. She never did say she was wrong about me, but I think she felt that she was. Same thing, she had cancer and we had time to form a better bond.

I want to thank everyone for all the support. My FIL actually passed last week, which we weren't expecting. They scoped the inside of his heart to check the pressure (I had no idea blood pressure and pressure inside the heart were different). Later that afternoon, his heart stopped and they had to do CPR as well as use the paddles. It started again, but he was in so much pain he said he didn't want it again. At that point, the meds they were pumping into his were all that were keeping him alive, so my hubby and his brothers decided to stop the meds once everyone had a chance to see him that day. Amazingly, he made it over 12 hours before he had yet another heart attack and passed. It was a blessing for me. Aside from him no longer suffering, OUR suffering had ended. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders!
Tomorrow is his funeral... I'll be there for my hubby and kids. No matter what kind of hell he put me through, I'll be there for them. That's what really matters.

But seriously, thanks, guys, for all the support and advice. It's really helped me through the worst of it. Huggles

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No new posts 27-05-2019 16:44 Kitsu is offline Search for Posts by Kitsu Add Kitsu to your Buddy List
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*HUGS* Kitsu!

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Lots of hugs! Have some dark chocolate on me. Smile

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Sorry it's taken a little bit to get caught up, but...(puts on protective gown, gloves, surgical mask and cap) I'm sending hugs your way.

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