As I was just looking through some old stuff, I found this and thought I posted here. I have also updated it a bit to make it a bit more PC. THE SECRETARY'S 10 COMMANDMENTS 1) A secretary must remember at all times that they are absolutely stupid. 2) A secretary must remember that they must obey no matter what happens. 3) A secretary must realise that, although the boss has never typed, they can do the secretary's job in half the time and twice as accurately. 4) A secretary must understand that 'secretary' is just another word for doormat, tea pourer, postmaster /mistress, general buyer, mechanic, organised conveyor, listening post, walking encyclopaedia, servant and shop hand. 5) A secretary must available at all times crystal ball, aspirins, cork screw, tact and charm, endless sympathy and limitless patience. 6) A secretary must remember in times of and stress, that they has never worked as hard as the boss. 7) A secretary must remember to be pleasant from Monday morning until Friday evening. 8 A secretary must be able to read shorthand, longhand, script, scrawl, reports and letters written under water, in bed, in the bath, in the train or plane, written in pencil, charcoal, biro, over-inked and also writing done under a microscope. They must be able to unravel their boss's voice from a series of extraneous noises on a Dictaphone and distinguish a hiccup from a comma. 9) A secretary must be neat, tidy and dressed smart/glamorous despite the fact that they must be the lowest-paid member of al the staff. 10) A secretary must remember that their bosses are their Majesty, Highness, Prime Minister, Chief Whip, Genius, Master/Mistress, Handsome/Beautiful, irresistible and not 'That so and so'. They look like Greek gods, have fantastic love lives, as funny as any famous comic and of course, must be worshipped, respected, idolised, wrapped up in cotton wool, defended against all comers and loved no matter who they are and what the heck they look like. Which shows there's more to typing than meets the eye!

Work for me slave , work for me! Whitish! any wonder why we celebrate Secretary Day? Oh so very true!

waits patiently for SJ to arrive on the scene Oh yeah...and it might be a US thing, but they are called Administrative Assistants now.

That's what they are called over here now, as well as Personal Assistants or some stupid PC name that means absoutly nothing do with the job.

My personal favorite PC name is 'Nail Technician' for a manicurist. Honestly, I don't know what is wrong 'manicurist'...it sounds nice to me.

I forgot what they call Dustbin men over here but it just blooming ridiculous, as are some of the PC names for jobs that I have heard.

Dustbin? How about 'Master of the Custodial Arts'? All you fic writer's are Metaphoric Translators. *grins* My title is Implementation Specialist. I've been fighting to have it changed for years cause I don't fully understand what it means.

Dustbin is another name for trash can and Dustbin men were once called Refuse Collectors but now they are called something silly. Isn't Implementation Specialist a specialist who implements stuff?

Originally posted by Metaliant Dustbin is another name for trash can and Dustbin men were once called Refuse Collectors but now they are called something silly. Isn't Implementation Specialist a specialist who implements stuff?

heh...one would think...right? I'm more of a software tester/documentation writer, marketing coordinator, office event planner, backup receptionist, I just read somewhere that some of the employees at Sams Club have a nametag that says' Cart Retrieval Associate'. Nice and descriptive!

oh...I should mention that as of late, that I'm more of an Internet Explorer. At least that is what I'm getting paid to do. Work is slow.

Boldy going where no Swan has gone before, except into the Rubber Room occasionaly.

Sanitation Engineer. Except, in Ontario, the Professional Engineers Association guards the title Engineer very strongly. As in, the took on, successfully, the Microsoft certificate with Engineer in it.

Stay at Home Mom = Domestic Manager

Oh Good God .... I had to respond to this one .... I had a damn good guffaw at this, as well as grumbling about the absolute truth of it. Tho, you did forget a couple of points. The Secretary must act as IT and know the innermost and inticate workings of all office appliances and equipment, as well as be clairvoyant to all problems. We must be skilled in voice recognition and immediate infomation retrieval regarding all intel including, but not limited to, each visitor's taste in coffee, how they must be made; how many children/grandchildren they have; the exact topic of the last conversation you had with said visitor. You must take care to remember all birthdays and anniversaries for all members of the office, as well as who's kid played in what team over the weekend - and you must definitely ASK exactly how that child performed. Weight lifting is another skill set to add to the list. When couriers bypass shipping and receiving to off-load a 100-pound box, you must be able to carry it to the office in question, or to the mailroom. You must be apt, willing and able to anser the phone, check the email/faxes, as well as continue to be interested in the current visitor's topic of conversation, type up a memo, construct a flow-chart and spread sheet all simultaneously, while other members of the office stand at your desk talking loudly enough for a deaf person to hear. Exhibitionist is another job description. Yes, it is imperative that all members of the office are fully aware of the fact you need to go to the washroom. Blind eyes must be turned to those who are impossibly inept inside the office - which is pretty much everyone - and all efforts must be made to make these individuals look intelligent. Just because your hours are 8:30 am - 5:00pm, doesn't mean the whole office has the same schedule. You must be clairvoyant in the knowledge of their absense and advise accordingly to all callers and fellow employees, because they will fail to notify anyone within their own department, and, of course, you. You must receive, quite joyfully, all insults and abuse handed out to you from customers, callers, vendors, stores. Even though that person may be absolutely full of shit, you must sympathise and completely agree with everything they are saying to calm them before transferring their calls to the intended recipient. Oh, and comments on weight and complexion must be taken with a smile and a nod to improve such, regardless of whether you are in the ninth-month pf pregnancy, or one day before the monthly visitor. Ugh....do I go on? SJ Have any of y'all read my fic "A Condor and a Switchboard"?

I am thnking of doing one for General Assistants (like me) and replemishment Assistants (Stock Monkeys I prefer). Need to think on that. Weight lifting is another skill set to add to the list. When couriers bypass shipping and receiving to off-load a 100-pound box, you must be able to carry it to the office in question, or to the mailroom. That one is called Carry To Car, where we are men are called to lift heavy thngs, like BBQ, cement, compost bags, etc, that nearly break our backs into customer cars, but nobody cares.

Originally posted by SJ_SwanJun Snip Have any of y'all read my fic "A Condor and a Switchboard"?

I remember that one. Now where was it again? Goes off in search of said fanfic..... must read again .......

Well I did not find your fanfic tonight SJ. But I found other ones to read. Have .... to go ...... to bed ...... Little voice says *Just one more* NO! Need rest. You have to deal with the energy of 25, 6 year olds tomorrow, and start Mother's Day art project.

Originally posted by Lolabella My personal favorite PC name is 'Nail Technician' for a manicurist. Honestly, I don't know what is wrong 'manicurist'...it sounds nice to me.

Hehe your probably going to laugh at this but it is because of pro-women groups lobbying against the word "man" in the title. They are also lobbying agains "manager" in the same way.

Originally posted by Cep

Originally posted by Lolabella My personal favorite PC name is 'Nail Technician' for a manicurist. Honestly, I don't know what is wrong 'manicurist'...it sounds nice to me.

Hehe your probably going to laugh at this but it is because of pro-women groups lobbying against the word "man" in the title. They are also lobbying agains "manager" in the same way.

Oh Gosh, yeah. I remember back in college when I was doing my Graphic Design certificate. My Visual Literacy Professor was one of those long hair, unshaven, no deoderant wearing hippy feminists. She had such an issue with "man" that she refused to even say "human". We were instructed to use the term "hu-being". So needless to say she and I (the ever adorable tomboy - well, I was at 19) didn't see eye-to-eye. She even, once, hit me across the back of my head with a textbook one day, because I dared suggest that men are actually the more sensitive of the species with regards to art, as in history most, if not all, of the famous artists were male. She spat back that they exploited women in their works (Rennaissance) by painting nudes and the such in an effort to make men look like the Gods. The book hit my head when I suggested she was wrong in that observation. For when you look at the size of the wangs on the naked men, you realize there is no self-righteous, "I am God" claims... ...If a guy wants to make himself look like a God, he'd definitely be enhancing THAT. Cos if you look close at the Renaissance stuff - they are all itty-bitty-teensy-weensy Yeah, okay. I was out of line, but six months of her putting down men and the male species constantly, I just ... ya know ... had to be a smartass. Because I'm not, ever .... Needless to say, I didn't do too well in that class. I ended up saying "Stick your paint brushes up your girl bits, I'm entering the world of MAN"... I took sports therapy instead... Had way more fun with that! SJ

Brother took a 3-year social work diploma. For the 2nd two years, they had a similar rabid feminist teaching half the courses. Only two boys actually graduated. And they wonder why social workers can't do the job they're supposedly trained for. Lola, last time I talked with the registrar at PEO, regarding my rather extended parental leave (and lowered fees), she didn't object when I called myself a Domestic Engineer, though I'm careful never to use it on anything formal.

Originally posted by SJ_SwanJun Hehe your probably going to laugh at this but it is because of pro-women groups lobbying against the word "man" in the title. They are also lobbying agains "manager" in the same way.

Oh Gosh, yeah. I remember back in college when I was doing my Graphic Design certificate. My Visual Literacy Professor was one of those long hair, unshaven, no deoderant wearing hippy feminists. She had such an issue with "man" that she refused to even say "human". We were instructed to use the term "hu-being". SJ[/quote] While I was doing Consumer Law at college, we were told that in New Zealand, there was a group of women who believed that the word man, boy, male, etc should be changed, to other words, similar to human changed to hu-being. And here I sit typing this think that I am mad. I am not even that close.

While I was doing Consumer Law at college, we were told that in New Zealand, there was a group of women who believed that the word man, boy, male, etc should be changed, to other words, similar to human changed to hu-being.

Well, ya know ... this sheila was a Kiwi, perhaps she was part of the movement.

Never heard anymore about the group since about 1989 - 1991 so they can't be successful.