It's Sunday arvo here in Brisbane - and it's bloody hot. This is the product of a deranged mind. Title: Top Five Worst Gifts Author: Madilayn Fandom: Gatchaman Rating: PG Disclaimer: Gatchaman is the property of Tatsunko. No money is being made from the use of characters owned by Tatsunko or Sandy Frank. Summary: The KNT (and Nambu) list their top five worst gifts. Condor 1. Pair of Fuzzy Dice from the Owl (however, the Condor found that after he replaced the stuffing with lead weights, they were quite handy) 2. Batch of Home-Baked cookies from the Swan (however, the Condor found that they also made excellent replacement for the lead in the dice, or they could be used idividually to devastating effect in battle) 3. Set of "Debbie does" videos from Jinpei (Debbie? The Condor has an Eagle!) 4. Couse in Anger Management from Nambu (Condor wonders why. He manages his anger just fine, thank you very much) 5. A Cardigan from the Eagle (real Sicialian Condors don't wear Cardigans. The Condor did, however, find that ihad a number of other uses. Knitted wool is really strong) Eagle 1. Handcuffs from the Condor (why? He doesn't take prisoners. Why would the Condor think they need....oh. Perhaps it's not bad after all) 2. "How to get the Girl of your Dreams" book from the Swallow. (Girl? He has a Condor - which he already has and doesn't need any advice on how to get, thank you very much. Pass the handcuffs) 3. A strange leather pouch from the Swan. (very odd thing to give. Oh. Condor is giving a demonstration. Nice gift!!) 4. "Star Wars" moves from Owl. (Great - a story about a boy's quest to find his father, who then dies just after they reconcile. Can I borrow one of those cookies?) 5. "Coping with Loss" book from Nambu. (Eagle is coping. Very well. Be back after I go and take out that Galactor mecha by myself, almost getting myself killed in the process. Condor! Put those handcuffs down!) Swan 1. Pink and flowery motorcycle helmet from the Owl. (On the other hand, it makes an excellent weapon) 2. "Cookery for Beginners" from Swallow (Swan already owns a copy and doesn't see what all the fuss is about. Everybody liked her cookies) 3. "Releasing your Feminine Side" from the Eagle. (If Swan could get him alone in her (or his) bed, then he'd find out just all about her feminine side.) 4. Self Assertiveness training from Nambu (the Doctors say that he'll recover fully from the damage done by the yoyo.) 5. Led-weighted fuzzy dice from the Condor (oh yeah. And just where is she going to put them? Hang them from the handlebars on her bike? On the other hand, nifty weapon.) Swallow 1. Home baked cookies from the Swan (she's persistent!) 2. Enrollment in the Boy Scouts from the Eagle (what! Does he want me to grow up like him?) 3. "Luciano Pavarotti Sings your Favorite Metallica hits" CD from the Condor (this had better be a joke, Condor!) 4. "Complete History of the Japanese Whaling Industry" from the Owl (idiot! I want to save whales not hunt them!) 5. Anything at all from Nambu. (what - does he think I'm a kid or something?) Owl 1. Home-baked Cookies from Swan (not even Owl could eat them. Condor seems to have found a good use for them, though) 2. "The Scarsdale Diet" from Swallow (Owl would rather eat Swan's cookies) 3. Automobile Club membership from Eagle (why? My van's fine. And isn't that one of the reasons we have a Condor?) 4. Gatchachicken from Nambu (Just because we dress like birds, doesn't mean that our ship has to LOOK like a chicken. Or a paper airplane. Get me back my GodPhoenix! Now!) 5. Pile of stuffing out of some soft toy from Condor. (What???) Nambu 1. Home baked Cookies from Swan (though apparently the Condor has found a use for them) 2. Condor (as if I have enough problems without a homicidal revenge-motivated Sicilian) 3. Eagle 4. Swallow 5. Owl (you try dealing with 5 teenagers!) Megs

ROFLMAO!!!

I could use some of those cookies. I've run out of my own home-baked weapons. >.>

They could be cheaper to make than the guns, knifes, bird missiles, etc Also, Galactor better not get their hands on the home made cookies.

Originally posted by Elvin Ruler I could use some of those cookies. I've run out of my own home-baked weapons. >.>

You know, perhaps Condor should be worried about what Swan will do when she finds out to what use he's been putting her cookies...

and everybody else.

Loved it. Short and funny, filled with easily-accessible in-jokes.

What, the Swan's cookie made weapons?

You know, I'm actually being evilly inspired to write an incredibly silly fic about the Condor using cookies as his weapon during a mission.....

Oh please do. , but remember, if the Swan finds out, then it's cookies, oops curtains for everybody.

** Has visions of Swan force-feeding cookies to the KNT & Galactor goons**

Originally posted by Madilayn ** Has visions of Swan force-feeding cookies to the KNT & Galactor goons**

That has to be one hell of a spin off series on it's own.

Cookie shuriken! Maybe if Jun made cinnamon cookies, she'd use cinnamon sticks instead of cinnamon powder. That'd give some interesting pointy bits for that extra impact when they're thrown.

Maybe Jun could make a cookie boomerang for Ken, have cookie yoyos for herself, cookie bird missiles for the Condor?

Saltpetre cookies for all!

What about cookie grenades? All Jun needs to do is dress The Swallow up as a Girl Guide and sell Galactor Jun cookies and and then wait when they explode.

Depleted uranium and chocolate chip cookies Edit: I can't see Jinpei taking well to that idea There'd be some blackmailing going on...

Oh my god, therma nuclear cookies.

I love the idea of the cookies in a fic. Maybe we can introduce the cookies into the IF? Not sure what everyone else thinks or if Madilyn especially wants to write a fic with them in?

I seem to have started something! I think that an IF starring Jun's Cookies (and their many uses / variations) could be a lot of fun. (on a side note - it's rather frightening how they appear to have now become a character in their own right. OOOHHH! PERSONALITY COOKIES!!) Thinking here - perhaps if they don;t want bird missiles, then perhaps she could bake a traditional boiled fruitcake. These are heavy enough - just imagine what it;'d be like after Jun got done with it!! So - how do we go about starting this IF thing off??

You just post a starting point as a new thread in the IF folder, and hopefully it will take off from there.

Jun could open a shop selling weapons made out of sweets, cookies, muffins, cakes, etc

Aye, it was her ambition to run a modern cake shop. Allegedly.

It's starting to be like the end custard pie scene in Bugsy Malone, with those kids throwing custard pies at each other and those pie guns. Oh my God, I have a image of all the weapons, including the Phonenix and the Mechas are cakes and stuff. I will go and have a lie down I think.