Things are finally thawing out on Indiana's sunny southern shore! Even Bradbury's Honkin' Huge Pill Bottle seems to be full of energy -- it's produced another multiple-word prompt! This week, it's My Worst Enemy Hmm...why do I sense some Condor Revenge stories coming down the pipeline? Anyway, knock yourself out!

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DT -- I've also posted on Crescent Coral Base, just to be safe.

Meanwhile, somewhere within the depths of Gatchamania.net... "What the hell is that smell?" Jason demanded, sitting up straight. "What smell?" Joe asked. He was lying in a recliner chair, with a newspaper over his face, causing his words to come out slightly muffled with an accompaniment of softly rustling paper. Jun paused in her task of trying to arrange a single flower perfectly in the room. "Is this one of those times when your cerebonic implants aren't beneficial, or is someone getting too much fibre in their diet?" "Jun!" Ken exclaimed. "That's... that's unseemly!" Jun put the vase with its lone cymbidium orchid down on the coffee table and put her hands on her hips. "It may not be traditional," she said, "but I'm starting to think that there may be some advantages in western culture, like not being scandalised by simple observation, or feeling comfortable telling a man where he can go and what he can do with himself once he gets there!" "You go, girl!" Princess said, punching the air. She jumped up out of her chair and high-fived Jun, who grinned at her counterpart. Princess stopped and sniffed. "Uh-oh. Jason's right. There is a smell, and either the drains have backed up really badly, or there's something wrong with the site." "What, again?" Ryu said. "Oh, darn!" Ryu put the controller down as Keyop cheered, having killed Ryu's character in the Halo game they were playing. Tiny and Jinpei sauntered in through the door, having come back from returning Echo the Barn Owl to his rightful licensee. "Something sure stinks out there," Jinpei declared. "We'd better check it out," Mark said with a sigh. "Maybe we should do it," Ken said. "If your cerebonics make you sensitive to odours, it might be easier if we handle it." "We could go together," Mark said. "Our sensitivity might make it easier to find the source of the problem." "Or you could find yourselves overwhelmed," Ken pointed out. "Oh, God, somebody clear away the testosterone!" Princess said. "We'll all go. Jun, why don't you go with Mark and I'll go with Ken? That way if any of us fragile little G-Forcers get overwhelmed by the smell, there'll still be a valiant Science Ninja to save the day!" In the face of logic, the two team leaders exchanged glances and shrugged. "You're in for it now," Mark muttered. "A word of advice. Don't say anything about women. At all." "Roger," Ken said under his breath. Ken could smell the odour once they got out of the team quarters and into the site itself. It was definitely excremental. "This is horrible!" he said. "How do you stand it? I mean, with the implants enhancing your senses?" "I just put up with it," Princess said. "Same as anyone else. It seems to be coming from the links area." "Let's check it out," Ken said. They made a brief detour around a few of the bloodier smileys. "Princess?" Ken ventured carefully. "Yeah?" "Can I ask you a question? About... um... girls?" Princess' eyebrows rose. "Okay," she said. "Why is it that when I try to treat Jun like a lady, she gets mad at me, and if I try to treat her like one of the guys, she still gets mad at me? What am I doing wrong?" "Oh, that," Princess said. "That's timing and context." "It's what?" Ken asked. "Timing," Princess said again, "and context. See, you kinda have to read the situation. Sometimes a woman wants to be treated like an equal, but other times, it's nice to be treated like a lady. The trick is knowing when to do what." "But how?" Ken asked. "Well," Princess said, "like today. Jun made a slightly off-colour joke, so she was being one of the boys. If she'd asked you to check out the ikebana thing she was doing with that flower, then that would have been the time to remember that she's a girl." Ken's blank look did not bode well. "Ken," Princess said, "you have to listen and observe." "Oh," Ken said, then his face went blank again. "How?" "Like I just told you! Jun's words and actions should give you clues!" "They should?" "Yeah, they... Oh, God, the smell's getting worse." "It is, isn't it?" Princess held a corner of one cape wing over her lower face. Ken found himself doing likewise. They ducked as a low-flying flock of html tags whirred overhead and entered an area of the site which appeared to be given over to a double-decker-bus-sized mountain of... well... manure. "I'd be sick at this point," Princess said, her voice slightly muffled by the fabrick of her cape, "but since I'd have to breathe to do it, I'm not gonna." "Good plan," Ken said, trying not to gag. A small dome-topped robot trundled toward them. "Hello, Princess! Hello, Mark!" "It's Ken," Princess said with a nod toward her companion. "Oh," Zark said, and his voice took on a slightly disapproving tone. "Why isn't Mark with you?" "He'll probably be along any minute," Princess said. "Zark, what exactly is going on here?" "Oh, I've been tidying things up!" the robot said happily. "Would you like to see?" "Not really," Princess said, "but please show us anyway." "I'm having trouble processing that sentence," Zark said. "Sorry, Zark. It was a joke that didn't work. Please show us what you've been up to." Ken and Princess followed the robot around the manure mountain. Ken scanned the walls in horror. "These are links to fanfiction-dot-net!" "Yes," Zark said. "I thought I'd compile a comprehensive list of all references to Battle of the Planets, Gatchaman and all the related fandoms. Then I noticed how poor the grammar was on a lot of those sites, so I thought I'd do a little fixing. At the moment, I'm working on removing inappropriate usages of the word, 'literally.'" Princess stopped short. "That explains it," she said. "Sturgeon's Law." Ken closed his eyes. "Ninety eight percent of everything on the internet..." "Is crap," Princess finished. "And since Zark's extracting multiple instances of the word, 'literally'..." "We literally have a giant steaming pile of crap!" Ken drew his birdrang. "You ridiculous pile of spare parts!" he growled. "I'm doing to dismantle you!" "Wait-wait-wait!" Princess said, blocking Ken's path. "He can fix this!" "I don't care!" Ken said. "Yes, you do," Princess corrected, "because if he doesn't fix this, we, and by 'we' I mean, 'the person who dismantled Zark, ie: you,' will have to shovel this enormous pile of poop up, then get rid of it." "Ah," Ken said as Princess' logic caught up with him. "Good point. Well made." Princess turned to Zark, let her cape fall away from her face and plastered the most saccharine smile she could manage on her face. "Zark," she said, "you know how fond I am of you, right?" "You are?" Zark gasped. "Oh, that's so sweet of you!" "And you know we've been friends for a very long time, right?" "Of course we have," Zark said blissfully. "And if you don't put everything back the way it was, I'm not going to be responsible for my actions." "I... really?" "Really. You've seen what I can do with a few well-placed explosives." "But... what about the grammar? And the new library?" "I think," Ken said, "that we should allow humans to explore the internet in their own way and find the joys of fanfiction-dot-net by following their individual paths to... um... that stuff. It's, um... Zen. Yes. Zen. That's what it is. Did I tell you I'm a Buddhist? We're in to that stuff." "Oh," Zark said. "Well, far be it from me to do something that isn't culturally sensitive! I'll put it all back the way it was so that you humans can do your Zen." "Exactly!" Princess said. "Good job, Zark! Come on, Ken, let's leave Zark to do his thing!" "With pleasure!" Ken agreed. The humans fled. Zark gazed up at the shit mountain he'd created. "I suppose it does look a bit untidy," he conceded. "Sometimes, I'm my own worst enema... I mean, enemy. Oh! I made a funny!"

And once more, with feeling! The G-Force team leaned forward in their seats on the twin sofas in Security Chief Anderson's office while the Chief of Galaxy Security briefed them on the new intelligence they'd received. "For a long time," Anderson said, pacing up and down in front of the team, hands clasped behind his back, "I believed that my worst enemy was Zoltar of Spectra. Now I know that it's someone - or rather, something - completely different." "Something, Chief?" Mark echoed, frowning. "Something called The Great Spirit, or the Luminous One. Some kind of energy-being that the Spectran people worship like a god." "How do we fight a god, for... for, um... Pete's sake?" Jason asked. "There is an ancient word of power," Anderson said. "The word of power, chanted three times in the presence of the Great Spirit, will enable you to banish it from our reality forever. The word of power was guarded by a terrible necromancer in a high glittering tower of steel and glass in the centre of a great city. Our agents managed to trick the necromancer into revealing the word. I will only tell you this word once. You must memorise it and guard the knowledge with your lives. Many Bothans - I mean, Galaxy Security Agents - died to bring us this information." "What's the word of power?" Mark asked. "The word," Anderson said, "is..." "Yes?" "Covfefe!"

Absolutely brilliant, both fics!

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It's back up now, DT. (Is it just me or is talking on Gatchamania about Crescent Coral being down a bit surreal?)

Originally posted by GrumpyGhostOwl "What's the word of power?" Mark asked. "The word," Anderson said, "is..." "Yes?" "Covfefe!"

DON'T SAY IT! IT'S A TRICK!! If you say it, every color of mean-looking, flaming chicken will be loosed upon the galaxy!

GGO: #1 Poor Ken, trying to understand women. At least Princess was gentle with him since he had genuine questions. Zark is lucky to be alive! #2 *snicker*

Originally posted by GrumpyGhostOwl It's back up now, DT. (Is it just me or is talking on Gatchamania about Crescent Coral being down a bit surreal?)

Is it down again? I still can't login there - it keeps saying it timed out. And, yes it is a bit surreal. Nice job on both fics, by the way! Both produced a chuckle. If I ran into Zark (especially if he was messing with fan fics) I'm sure I'd be reaching for the tools - or maybe the soldering iron.

Just tie a granade to his fosdic ....

Yup, it would be Zark's fault!