This is just a short essay about some of what my job entails. I hope it will give some of you an idea of what its like for this side of the fence. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ There are times I wonder why I do the job I do, times I wish I had a normal 9-5, the 7th July was definitely one of those days. There are many roles in the job I do, many different areas you can be trained in. I chose to diversify and train as much as possible so I could help more people. This is not an easy job by any accounts but then if you think about no job is. I have worked for the police for 13 and a half years and in that time seen and been involved in incidents that can make you question why people do the things they do. I have worked through fires and train crashes, shootings and riots trying my best to assist and support the officers on the street and to aid the public in getting the help they need. I have been there when the incidents have started and at other times when dealing with the aftermath. I never know which is worse to be honest. The numbness that occurs when the adrenalin and training kick in as the incident happens or the surrealism of going into work after it has happened. Either way your mind is racing trying to consider all the points you need to remember, the staffing issues, the need to still provide a service, so many things that it can feel like your mind is overloaded. In one of my more insane moments I decided to additionally train to assist in major incidents like the Tsunami, Bali and Indian earthquake. I have sat through calls from distressed relatives wanting to report a loved on missing having to ask for details that may help us identify them just for the vain hope that the next call may be someone saying that they have heard from them and they are alive and well. I have gone home from these incidents trying hard not to let them affect me so I could return the next day and begin all over again. I have done this until my heart and soul felt like they could take no more and I have just wanted to curl up and shut the world away. I came into work today after waking up to text messages and trying in the short time before my next shift to reassure some friends and family. I turned up early and tried to consider how the staff I would be looking after will get in and more importantly get home at the end of a 12-hour shift. It took me four hours to try sort something out in between the phone calls for people booking on duty that were on a day off before this happened. I have been at work now for 6 hours and still feel like I could cry. I am tired and just wanting to go home but I know I cant as there are people here counting on me, counting on me to give them guidance with difficult callers, counting on me to support them after a stressful call, counting on me to make sure they have a means of getting back to the families safely in the morning. So I have ended up taking a quiet few minutes between calls to write this, to try to vent some of the hurt, anger, frustration, shock and all the other mixed up emotions. They say it takes a special kind of person to do the job we do, to empathise with the victims and distressed family members, the witnesses, the scared people that just want reassurance but I am not so sure that it makes us special. We mostly just try our best to help in some way, though I am certain there are those who would disagree. I have seen people crying because they were so upset by the call they had taken, seen people crying with frustration and anger at being abused on the phone. Looking back I know how I got myself through those times, I remember thinking thank god it was not my relative or friend but if I am honest that only takes the edge of the pain. it stays with you. You try to suppress it but with each new event, each new atrocity all the hurt comes back and you start to question who you are and why you do it. My reason for writing this is that I guess I just wanted to people to have an insight into the job I do and just what it can entail. I wish everyone all the best and I hope that your life is full of joy. If there is sorrow in your life I pray it is short lived and outweighed by the happiness. As for why I really keep doing this job, if I ever work that out I will let you know

Can I have your permission to post this on my other boards? Let our american friends know its just regular old Londonian events and nothing to worry about? I sympathise with you in your troubles. I took on the job of football steward because it was laid back; but if an incident `did` happen I know full well I would be the one dealing with it. Im trained but that doesnt mean Im in any way Im sure I could cope. Nor would I get involved in anything that involved 12 hour shifts...I think this is ridiculously long for your sort of high stress position.

Sure Ronin go ahead

I disagree, Ronin. It's not just regular old Londonian events. It is, however, the same gumption and bravery and stick-to-itiveness we've seen so often from the British. From King ?George? (typical colonist, doesn't learn the basics) refusing to evacuate his family during the Blitz to then-Princess Elizabeth disguising herself as an ordinary female soldier so she could go out and celebrate when war was over. Young men lying about their ages so they could fight, little girls giving up their allowances so the soldiers could have chocolate and little old ladies knitting socks for the soldiers and men who should have retired taking their sons' places in the fields. From what I saw on the bit of news I watched, the vast majority of those missing family members are waiting until the dust settles and the phone lines are reopenned to call their relatives. They may get home hours late, or even stay the night rather than fight their way home in the madness, but they will get home and they will rebuild. I'm praying for all the people in your neck of the woods, and I believe that you are part of the answer to those prayers. I'm also praying for you, that every so often you get to see a ray of sunshine to keep you going, that someone remembers to tell you they found their family member, that the little old lady down the street brings you tea and crumpets. Firebird, thank you for checking in and easing our worries over you. In the mean time, God bless you and your coworkers for helping, and also bless your family for making it possible for you to serve.

Regular old Londonian events eh? Regular in the sense that after a few bombs go off, if they don't affect you directly it's easy to get used to the idea. Right? I would not care to be involved in the clean up though. FB, you're doing a job that is really, really needed and there is no way in the world that I would swap with you.

I meant regular in that London is a city that over the past few decades bombs have been known to go off in. (as opposed, to, say, Bristol.) And thanks to the Internet community, we are all affected, even people who live continents away who may never have seen London or even been on an underground. I have heard many tales of `near misses` from my friends on other boards, and I did post Firebirds writings for them.

To be honest I know lots of people whose job is harder than mine. The emergency crews first on scene thebody recovery teams the forensic teams The family liaison teams who support the families Just to name a few