Long story short, I was challenged to write a poem in 2 minutes. Here's what I wrote. My friends didn't get it (duh) but I thought I'd pass it by you guys to see if you liked it. ***** Galactor The storm comes A flood of green Pouring out of the mouth of some strange creature A symbol of terror And war But there is hope Five will stand Five will fight And the terror will be no more I pray for your success ***** So... am I a poet? (Seriously, I was giggling when I typed this in. It's soooo bad... but I figured you'd all get a laugh out of it!)

I like it. But, did you have to use this line. I pray for your success I do not know why, but that line really makes me cringe. Almost as much as when Zarks appears on the screen. Even with that line I like the poem.

It's cheesy... I was going for the fromage effect. And what is more cheesy than that line? IMHO, Zark isn't cheesy, just annoying. The 'pray for your success' line is cheesy.

Maybe that is why I shiver. I have never been a cheese lover. Can I offer a change?

Originally posted by clouddancer Maybe that is why I shiver. I have never been a cheese lover. Can I offer a change?

Ooh... is this the IF Poem? If you want to re-write, go ahead!

The storm comes A flood of green Pouring from the mouth of some strange creature A symbol of terror A symbol of war But there is hope Five will stand Five will fight And terror will be no more I pray for your success IMO that flows better. The line I would want to work on is the third one. It is too long. But then I like lines of more equal length. Of course, in two minutes I would not have done as well. This is after several minutes of reworking.

Ohhhh...yeah baby!!! LOL... Love it! The cheesier the better!! The sea of green flooding from the mecha mouth *is* an awesome visual, though!!And you know how I love visuals!

You could also try: Pouring from the mouths of mecha or Pouring from strange creatures or Pouring from a strange creature

Here is one of my poems. There are a few lines in this one I do not like. See what you can do with it. Where has all the magic gone? Once silent shivers ran down my spine And sparks of light danced between my fingers, But now the magic?s gone. Machines arrived, Science explained the unknown. If it?s not explained, then we believe it does not exist. That is where the magic has gone. Magic does not exist where, Science and technology now live.

Just so you know, I am NOT claiming to be a poet... I put this one up so people could laugh at it with me. That being said, the one thing that jumps out at me when I read your poem is this line:

If it?s not explained,

I think it might sound better as: If it cannot be explained JMHO... Otherwise, I like it a lot! It's thought-provoking....

I do not claim to be a poet either. I just like playing with words. I find it easier to write in quick "half" thoughts rather than whole sentences. Which probably explains some of what you edited in my story. I write a thought in point form and then add words around the thought to make it into a proper sentence. Some times I fail at the proper sentence part. for example to write this I first had I'm not poet play with words easier - half thoughts

That probably explains why I am so wordy... I think in full sentences! Usually silly ones.

Originally posted by Transmute Jun L So... am I a poet? (Seriously, I was giggling when I typed this in. It's soooo bad... but I figured you'd all get a laugh out of it!)

Ebony puts on her serious critiques hat and looks over the rim of her reading glasses with a frown... Really what were you thinking...you should look the meanings of the words up in a dictionary before you try using them!!!....ramble ramble ramble....and learn to spell was that a grammar error...mmmm the world is coming to an end... Then she takes that hat off and throws it on the floor and stomps on it with glee...it really didn't fit well anyway...and I don't need reading glasses... HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA Just Jokes TJ!!! It is MUCH better than anything I could produce!!!

You had me going there, Ebony!!!! Okay, you didn't, but only because I know you so well...

Originally posted by Transmute Jun That probably explains why I am so wordy... I think in full sentences! Usually silly ones.

You're not silly TJ Just seriously funny.

I suppose I was just trying to lighten up a bit...and in a way get all the baggage out and now I can move on... Back to normal now I've had my tantrum!!! At times I have the Aussie humour that takes the mickey out of things if they get to serious...Ebony's personal issues..sorry guys for taking it out here... Is there a poem for that???

Originally posted by clouddancer

Originally posted by Transmute Jun That probably explains why I am so wordy... I think in full sentences! Usually silly ones.

You're not silly TJ Just seriously funny.

Well, I DO take my silliness seriously. How else can you take it?

Originally posted by Ebonyswanne Ebony's personal issues..sorry guys for taking it out here...

N/P Ebony! IMHO you have every right to feel that way...

Originally posted by Transmute Jun Well, I DO take my silliness seriously. How else can you take it?

*Cloud breaks into song* With a spoonful of sugar??? *Ooooops! Better stop before everyone leaves*

Originally posted by clouddancer

Originally posted by Transmute Jun Well, I DO take my silliness seriously. How else can you take it?

*Cloud breaks into song* With a spoonful of sugar??? *Ooooops! Better stop before everyone leaves*

Silliness!!!!! And Mary Poppins! I'm not leaving now!!!!! Feed the birds... Tuppence a bag...

LOL Now where do I go with that? word connection Birds - fly Let's Go Fly a Kite

Originally posted by clouddancer

Originally posted by Transmute Jun Well, I DO take my silliness seriously. How else can you take it?

*Cloud breaks into song* With a spoonful of sugar??? *Ooooops! Better stop before everyone leaves*

You guys crack me up!!!

Thank you, I aim to please.

Originally posted by clouddancer LOL Now where do I go with that? word connection Birds - fly Let's Go Fly a Kite

Hmmm... a Kite is a kind of bird too.... Honestly, I can't think of where to take this off the top of my head. You win, CD!

Wooo whooo! Finally I leave TJ speachless. Hmmmm.... not sure if that is a good idea or not. BTW, thinking of kites I have a kite, the shape of a bird in my classroom. I call it my phoenix kite because it is yellow, red and orange.

Please be kind...this is my first attempt at poetry and it is of the cuff she waits, he listens, she signals with her eyes he looks to the blue skies the silence is broken the inside battle unspoken the touch of her gloved hand the soft rose bud smile and the battle is lost forever and a heart is won but yet will be broken but now the damage is done... Well thats it, and literally, I just did it then....I know it's bad but I will try to do more to improve...see Cloudy you have no fear!

TJ for two miniutes it is good. CD like yours too. BTW you guys are totally nuts!

Originally posted by Ebonyswanne Please be kind...this is my first attempt at poetry and it is of the cuff she waits, he listens, she signals with her eyes he looks to the blue skies the silence is broken the inside battle unspoken the touch of her gloved hand the soft rose bud smile and the battle is lost forever and a heart is won but yet will be broken but now the damage is done... Well thats it, and literally, I just did it then....I know it's bad but I will try to do more to improve...see Cloudy you have no fear!

Ebony it looks good. At first I thought it was about the Swan and Eagle But......my Eagle would not break the Swan's Heart. So now I am wondering.

I'm impressed, baybees...lots of good, and funny stuff going on here!

Originally posted by Ebonyswanne she waits, he listens, she signals with her eyes he looks to the blue skies the silence is broken the inside battle unspoken the touch of her gloved hand the soft rose bud smile and the battle is lost forever and a heart is won but yet will be broken but now the damage is done...

I like this, Ebony! You have a way with swooniness....

Originally posted by Springie I'm impressed, baybees...lots of good, and funny stuff going on here!

But it will get better now that you're here! (Pssst... in case you can't tell... I missed you!)

Originally posted by Firebird BTW you guys are totally nuts!

That's why I like it here so much!

ITs why I like it here too TJ. EBony did not see yours earlier but it is really good

Originally posted by Transmute Jun

Originally posted by Springie I'm impressed, baybees...lots of good, and funny stuff going on here!

But it will get better now that you're here! (Pssst... in case you can't tell... I missed you!)

I missed you too, baybee!!! I'm glad to be back!

and in digging in my old docs I found this. I think it was from a challenge a few years back regarding the team going to summer school. It started with a memo that was sent from up high With Chief having nightmares as days went by How did he tell them what could he do Did he have enough Tynelol to get him through He took a deep breath and in he did walk clearing his throat he started to talk A memo has come that affect you all You have to attend and complete summer school. Jason did shout at the top of his voice While chief tried to explain that there was no choice Its only one summer it will be done in no time Think of it as a mission you will all do just fine "Does that mean we can shoot them all?" Jasons retort "If you do that G2 you will put on report" A smirk then did spread and chief he caught on "I will make you attend a course twice as long!" Mark shook his head and tried to placate while chief tried to forget the mounting headache Keyop started to talk about pranks he could pull While Princess tried to think of who else to call Tiny thought of new dishes to try While chief just muttered why oh why Jason did continue to rant and rave Mark tried to think of ways he could save The chief from getting any worse or mad he know he would make him pay for this bad His whispered something in Jasons ear Jase looked at him and a smile did appear He happily talked about going to school While chef wondered if he was playing it cool As they left the office he called Mark aside to query the secret he had tried to hide Mark lent over and whispered to chief who blinked and then smiled with relief What was this thing that changed G2's mind It was being told of all the girls in school he would find.

I like that FB!!!!! Perfect for a BOTP setting!!!

Originally posted by clouddancer Birds - fly

Whisper to a Scream (Sorry, that just came to me as I opened up this page and saw it at the top.)

FB, that is great. We have a triple threat here. Poet, writer and artist.

definitely not good at the third. poetry I have been writing since I was small.

FB, that was great!!! Hope you'll do more of these!!

Well then Cloud is going to get out her whip and start insisting on more Gatch poems from FB.

Originally posted by clouddancer FB, that is great. We have a triple threat here. Poet, writer and artist.

WOW FB!!! I'm speechless!!! Are you going to put this in your shelf so I can download it???

Whoo hoo! More poems from FB to come!!!!!!!

Ebony, will put it on the shelf. Will see what I can do about adding more poems here.

I see that you uploaded it! Great!!!!!!

Ebony and TJ can I also post some fun smilies? Thank you FB for putting you poem on your shelf.

Originally posted by clouddancer Ebony and TJ can I also post some fun smilies?

No permission required! Smilie all you want!!!!!!!

yep its up just working onsorting out some more (work getting in the way this time) Hopefully something tomorrow for you all.

Whoo hoo! Tomorrow! I hear you on the work stuff... tomorrow will not be good for me... ugh.

posted more on the fic just trying to sort out a nice poem.

Let me go see!!!!!

Poem is done and sent for uploading into the fic library it is based on a gorgeous pic by Emby Quinn.

In penance for it being late I posted another reworked little fic there also.

Looks like a trip over to clubhouse to read more of FB's fic!!!

If the poem isn't up by morning Ill post it here too ok?

Sounds good!

poem is up for those that want to read its called Dream come true also posted below. It is based on a picture by Emby Quinn. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dream come true by Firebird The last few months were lived like a dream So hard at times to believe they are true. Yesterday was the best dream of all, It was the day I dreamed that I married you. Today as I lie in this strange, big bed a warm body entangled with mine I keep my eyes closed tight Afraid if I open them what I will find The slow rhythmic breathing of this body The feminine scent that comes from her skin I lie still not daring to move at all In case if I do she will disappear to nothing I breathe deeply and open one eye And there she was, our bodies entwined I smile to myself my dream has come true We are finally together after all this time.

Oh.... I thought at first it was Jun, but then I see it was Ken.... Swoony! One little teeeny thing though... I think you need a gender change here:

I lie still not daring to move at all In case if I do he will disappear to nothing

Yes that line confused me too.

Thats the trouble with typos even when you think you correct them you find you haven't lol. Apologies for the confusion

N/P! I'm just glad it didn't turn out to be Yaoi.

Swoony, baybee...oh, so swoony!! Love it!!!

That is okay FB, I figured it out. It was just that initial "what" that threw me. All writers understand about the typos.

Originally posted by clouddancer All writers understand about the typos.

Oh, yes! *TJ nods vigorously*

especially me! lol

WOW I love the piccies!!!! And the poem that goes with it! FB I am the queen of typos...wanna challenge me for the title!!!

Originally posted by Ebonyswanne FB I am the queen of typos...wanna challenge me for the title!!!

FTR I m eth quen ot typs.

lol looks like we have a competiton going

Originally posted by Firebird lol looks like we have a competiton going

Wit my is no contets! Seriously, if you see the number of times my posts are edited, it's ALL for typos.... ugh...

That is usually what I am editing my posts for too. It is a good thing I have spell checker when I am writing. Unfortunately it does not work in these little reply boxes.

nor with those finisky words where you mean one thing and type another for example Their There

I hear you... i can read through my fics a hundred times and I'll STILL find new typos each time... ugh....

Hazard of the fun we have writing I guess.

heheheeee idd yuo se all teh ons in ma fics!!! ma scoolin was js no deierrrr wahtevre that word is! di souyhl has a translater fro dem...

Once approved I uploaded a fic into the library, just a short one and it was spell checked and read over half dozen times before submitting so hopefully will be typo free.

Originally posted by Firebird Once approved I uploaded a fic into the library, just a short one and it was spell checked and read over half dozen times before submitting so hopefully will be typo free.

Naahhh they add character...heheee off the red wine Ebony! Gee some of us Aussies can be smart asses sometimes...my sense of humour gets the better of me... I'm looking forward to reading your latest ficcie...hurry up CEP we're waiting for it!

I'm sure it will be fine FB> Even if there are a few typpos, as long as it is clear what you meant then it's fine, right? (At least, that's what I tell myself when I find a typo in one my my published fics... )

[quote]Originally posted by Ebonyswanne Gee some of us Aussies can be smart asses sometimes...my sense of humour gets the better of me... quote] I do not think that is just an Aussie thing. I know a my parents have a very warped sense of humor, and they are British. Maybe it is a Common Wealth thing.

It is CD I promise you.

Originally posted by clouddancer I do not think that is just an Aussie thing. I know a my parents have a very warped sense of humor, and they are British. Maybe it is a Common Wealth thing.

That would explain me too, since I grew up in Canada. But I think most people find my sense of humor bizarre as well. I'm still amazed when people find my funny fics funny....

Well TJ, that is probably because we all have the same dry humor, being Common Wealthers.

Originally posted by clouddancer Well TJ, that is probably because we all have the same dry humor, being Common Wealthers.

Either that, or I'm just insane.

insanely funny

Originally posted by clouddancer insanely funny

Thanks, CD! I just hope you're still thinking that when you read my next fic... I think I'm pushing the line between funny and being psychotic...

You know the amount of times that I have uploaded a fic into FF.net and then later I find another typo...then I have to go and replace the chapter because of it...I still have not gone over my earlier fics for them again...I need to though. But I am getting better with all the practice I have had now with typing...my DH commented that my typing is so much faster now...he was surprised when he came out to see me as I was typing up a post...

It's amazing how chatting/IMing and posting on these boards can speed up your typing!

Originally posted by Transmute Jun It's amazing how chatting/IMing and posting on these boards can speed up your typing!

Unfortunately, it doesn't work for me! Damn school and writer's block

Originally posted by amyltrer

Originally posted by Transmute Jun It's amazing how chatting/IMing and posting on these boards can speed up your typing!

Unfortunately, it doesn't work for me! Damn school and writer's block

We'll help you, Amy! Let the insanity begin!

Originally posted by amyltrer

Originally posted by Transmute Jun It's amazing how chatting/IMing and posting on these boards can speed up your typing!

Unfortunately, it doesn't work for me! Damn school and writer's block

Oh, Amy I think you could blame it on writing in a second language. If I had to think, write and type in another language then it would slow me down.

Originally posted by clouddancer

Originally posted by amyltrer

Originally posted by Transmute Jun It's amazing how chatting/IMing and posting on these boards can speed up your typing!

Unfortunately, it doesn't work for me! Damn school and writer's block

Oh, Amy I think you could blame it on writing in a second language. If I had to think, write and type in another language then it would slow me down.

Yes, and that too. I'm trying to add English idioms and it takes time to check the spell.